Those P:31 Girls

10 Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
She is more precious than rubies.
11 Her husband can trust her, --not to cheat at Monopoly
and she will greatly enrich his life.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life. --Except that one day she accidentally shot a nail gun at his foot which was probably his fault anyway for standing so close...

13 She finds wool and flax
and busily spins it.
14 She is like a merchant’s ship, --wait, is he calling her fat??
bringing her food from afar. --oh...
15 She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household
and plan the day’s work for her servant girls. --Ahh, so that's the secret. God, if you want me to be a virtuous wife I'm going to need some servant girls, pronto. This is probably why we don't see any mention of the virtuous wife cleaning her house.

16 She goes to inspect a field and buys it;
with her earnings she plants a vineyard. --This girl is big on investments! When was the last time you bought something that could generate more income for you? Does a Mac and Adobe Suite count??
17 She is energetic and strong,
a hard worker. --"Energetic." Proof that the virtuous wife drinks coffee.
18 She makes sure her dealings are profitable;
her lamp burns late into the night. --Cutting coupons, no doubt.

19 Her hands are busy spinning thread,
her fingers twisting fiber. --crafty lady!
20 She extends a helping hand to the poor
and opens her arms to the needy.
21 She has no fear of winter for her household,
for everyone has warm clothes.

22 She makes her own bedspreads. --Note to self: make a bedspread.
She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns. --Proof that God wants me to go shopping and buy pretty things! (It doesn't SAY that she spun & dyed the thread before hand-stitching the gown herself... she could've bought it!)
23 Her husband is well known at the city gates,
where he sits with the other civic leaders. --Is an awesome husband required to be a virtuous wife? I suppose she was first a virtuous girl with many offers of marriage who made a discerning decision. She don't want no scrubs.
24 She makes belted linen garments
and sashes to sell to the merchants. --Obviously a professional in her field. Probably sells on Etsy, too.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity, --Where has all the dignity gone?
and she laughs without fear of the future. --Laughter required. Worrying banned.
26 When she speaks, her words are wise,
and she gives instructions with kindness. --With kindness, not shouts, rolling eyes, and exasperated sighs.
27 She carefully watches everything in her household
and suffers nothing from laziness. --Which reminds me of a project I need to finish...

28 Her children stand and bless her. --Do nieces/nephews count? Because those Borkert kids think I'm pretty cool.
Her husband praises her: --Bryan, are you getting this??
29 “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,
but you surpass them all!”

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; --and plastic surgery looks fake;
but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
31 Reward her for all she has done.
Let her deeds publicly declare her praise. --Reward her? Ok, Bryan, I like gift cards, shopping sprees, date nights, flowers, Bliss cupcakes...

Announcement from My Soapbox

I have some quick advice for mothers of any age. Here it is: Don't talk about your labor stories. Avoid the topic completely in any social setting. Thank you.

EDIT: This post originally elaborated on the details of why this conversation topic is inappropriate and sometimes offensive, but after some thought I decided it was best to remove those details. :)

Bored Sara = Long Pointless Post

"Hey, it worked! I was afraid I'd have to go through that all over again. I always expect the worst!"

"You shouldn't always expect the worst, that's no way to live! Always expect the best! Always expect the best and see how happy your life becomes!"

The cashier nodded and promised the man in front of me that she'd change her ways as she handed him his receipt. I just caught the tail of this conversation, but it was the way he said that last part that assured me he was either an evangelical preacher or a Dr. Phil idolizer. Either way, both species of men are prone to disillusionment. What kind of history does this man have to make him assume that always expecting the best makes your life happier? It sounds more likely to lead to perpetual disappointment and regret.

In other news:

I still don't have my house. Maybe tomorrow. Or maybe never. See that? I'm far from being an "expect the best" kind of person.

Someone asked me today if my husband was underage. More on that later if it develops into anything interesting.

Bryan's homecoming was pushed back four days. Time to reset all my countdowns again.

Unrelated to the homecoming date changing, the Marines did more very frustrating and stupid things today. I suffer from the same "arrogant independence" that Lady Catherine accused Elizabeth Bennet of having (thanks, Mom), and that doesn't clash well with control-freaks like Darcy's aunt or the Marines. Hmm... the Marines as Lady Catherine de Bourgh... I think I like that analogy. Both have a "dignified impertinence", both assume they know what's best for the man in love with the independent woman, and both try to keep them apart. Now if only Bryan owned land half the size of Darbyshire the analogy would be complete.

"For I know very well what the temptations of the Devil are, and that one of his greatest is to put it into a man's head that he can write and print a book, and gain both money and fame by it."
Don Quixote, Part II, Prologue

Xanga: April 24, 2007: Survive the Workplace

How to Survive the Workplace

1. Know that there will always be someone who dresses nicer than you every day. Likewise, there will always be someone who dresses worse. Don't fret over bad hair days or bad outfit days. They happen, and they'll be forgotten.

2. We all fall prey to this one, but do not--I repeat--do not become attached to any writing utensil! They're an unfaithful breed who will walk away from you at the first opportunity. Become attached to them and you'll find yourself saying, "Is that my pen you're using? I used to have one like that; it was my favorite. Did you steal my pen??" uh... awkward.

3. The standard free office coffee generally tastes like dog food. You want to become a part of the secret underground coffee club at work. I guarantee every office has such a club and that they're hiding a beautiful, dark Ethiopian blend somewhere in the building. I'm not making this stuff up. If you suspect you've found a club member, use words like "fair trade", "my espresso maker", and "bur grinder". Complain enough about the break-room coffee and you'll be invited to the club.

4. Join up with one or two people and institute Rude Fridays. On Rude Friday do your best to be cynical and insulting. This works best when the cynicism and insults are obviously in jest. You should also make sure you do it with someone as sweet and soft-spoken as Mel; that makes it extra-funny. It's a great way to relieve stress and makes for very fun Fridays.