Friday, June 17, 2011

Those P:31 Girls

10 Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
She is more precious than rubies.
11 Her husband can trust her, --not to cheat at Monopoly
and she will greatly enrich his life.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life. --Except that one day she accidentally shot a nail gun at his foot which was probably his fault anyway for standing so close...

13 She finds wool and flax
and busily spins it.
14 She is like a merchant’s ship, --wait, is he calling her fat??
bringing her food from afar. --oh...
15 She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household
and plan the day’s work for her servant girls. --Ahh, so that's the secret. God, if you want me to be a virtuous wife I'm going to need some servant girls, pronto. This is probably why we don't see any mention of the virtuous wife cleaning her house.

16 She goes to inspect a field and buys it;
with her earnings she plants a vineyard. --This girl is big on investments! When was the last time you bought something that could generate more income for you? Does a Mac and Adobe Suite count??
17 She is energetic and strong,
a hard worker. --"Energetic." Proof that the virtuous wife drinks coffee.
18 She makes sure her dealings are profitable;
her lamp burns late into the night. --Cutting coupons, no doubt.

19 Her hands are busy spinning thread,
her fingers twisting fiber. --crafty lady!
20 She extends a helping hand to the poor
and opens her arms to the needy.
21 She has no fear of winter for her household,
for everyone has warm clothes.

22 She makes her own bedspreads. --Note to self: make a bedspread.
She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns. --Proof that God wants me to go shopping and buy pretty things! (It doesn't SAY that she spun & dyed the thread before hand-stitching the gown herself... she could've bought it!)
23 Her husband is well known at the city gates,
where he sits with the other civic leaders. --Is an awesome husband required to be a virtuous wife? I suppose she was first a virtuous girl with many offers of marriage who made a discerning decision. She don't want no scrubs.
24 She makes belted linen garments
and sashes to sell to the merchants. --Obviously a professional in her field. Probably sells on Etsy, too.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity, --Where has all the dignity gone?
and she laughs without fear of the future. --Laughter required. Worrying banned.
26 When she speaks, her words are wise,
and she gives instructions with kindness. --With kindness, not shouts, rolling eyes, and exasperated sighs.
27 She carefully watches everything in her household
and suffers nothing from laziness. --Which reminds me of a project I need to finish...

28 Her children stand and bless her. --Do nieces/nephews count? Because those Borkert kids think I'm pretty cool.
Her husband praises her: --Bryan, are you getting this??
29 “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,
but you surpass them all!”

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; --and plastic surgery looks fake;
but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
31 Reward her for all she has done.
Let her deeds publicly declare her praise. --Reward her? Ok, Bryan, I like gift cards, shopping sprees, date nights, flowers, Bliss cupcakes...

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Snice Day

I woke up this morning at 5am to the tinkling of ice pellets outside. Though I'm notoriously not a morning person, I was coherent enough to reach for my phone and investigate school closings. No school. No work. I fell back asleep dreaming of what I'd do with my Snow/Ice Day...

Unfortunately I dreamed that I went into work anyways and got a few things done. That did not happen.

What did happen: I enjoyed a lazy morning. Ate a bagel, made coffee, lounged. At 9:30 it started really snowing and I went for a jog on the treadmill while watching reruns of America's Next Top Model. I ran longer than usual.

After jogging I got the bright idea to finally clean our oven. It's been a while since I've used a self-cleaning oven, and it quickly became apparent that this decision ranked up there with my neighbors' putting snowboobs on their snowman. Bad idea. Despite running all the vents and fans, the house was quickly filled with a smelly eye-burning fog. Bryan suggested that instead of canceling the cleaning, we could just shut ourselves inside the fume-free office and wait it out. Oh, and to complete the plan of course we would have to turn off the heat and open windows to vent the rest of the house. It made sense.

So that's why we have a 2" drift on our windowsill and some accumulating flurries in front of the screen door.

We've been well-entertained in the office though. Bryan is content with his MMO game and SportsCenter, and I have everything I need: a computer, a novel, and a phone with a charger. Add some Mt Dew and Sunchips and it's really not so bad. However, with 30 min left in the 4 hour cleaning cycle, even the office is starting to get cold now. But it will all be worth it when I'm not blasted with smoke the next time I take a pizza out of the oven. Surely...

With our quarantine almost over, I'm looking forward to rewarding my 2.5 miles this morning with some chili mac tonight. And thanks to the past few hours I'm almost halfway through Emma; so altogether it's looking to be a very snice day.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Don't Follow the Rabbit Trails

A phrase I love: There, but for the grace of God, go I. What an awesome, humbling statement to remember when looking on those who are lost, struggling, or less fortunate.

I saw an older mother/daughter couple in a clothing store the other day debating which top looked better. The green one or the tunic? And it made me hope that someday I'll have a daughter who loves shopping as much as me. We can furrow our brows in the fitting room together trying to decide which top has the better cuteness/value ratio...

I don't care what anybody says about technology making us less social. I am a MUCH more social person since I joined facebook six years ago. All those little status updates are an outlet for my wonderful one-liners (at least I think they're wonderful), and I get the luxury of writing a first draft, editing, and rewriting every comment before it is "out there"--a gift not given in verbal communication. On facebook I can be brave when otherwise I would be silent. Bryan said that channel 40/29 did a special on how technology harms relationships, and by their standards I have "a problem." Well... 40/29 anchors can't read a teleprompter (have you ever watched the morning news???) so I'm not going to let them judge my technology involvement. Facebook made me a better person.

So who's going to see The Social Network now that it won the Golden Globe for best picture? Put me on that list. Maybe. It's so hard to set aside time to watch movies. But hey, look at that, American Idol is on tonight. Maybe I'll tune in to see their strategy for jumping off the borderline of cancellation.

And who knew the Syfy channel could provide an evening of guilty entertainment? Oh, it must be SO HARD living as a vampire/werewolf/ghost in this modern society! I feel your pain and it makes me giggle...

There. Now I've said too much.